They're cute. They're cuddly. They'll infect you with their cute cuddliness...But seriously, they're adorable. My friend Steven and I spent a good 20 to 30 minutes in a tiny boutique in the newly-realized hip Ballard, picking up each and every disgusting microscopic ailment, bursting into laughter, drawing eyes and then rummaging for the next, evermore hilarious pet disease.
Here were a few or our favorites:
Varicella-Zoster Virus – aka Chickenpox:
Streptococcus pyogenes – aka Flesh Eating virus:
And the one we just couldn't part with, so we bought and took home... Multiple-Resistant Staphylococcus Aureus – aka MRSA (I mean common, he has a cape!):
There were a few we weren't too sure about, such as Chlamydia, Gonorrhea and Herpes (why the hell does he look so sunny and happy?! It sends a mixed message – STDs are pleasant, like sunflowers? :/)
OK. It's all in fun. But I fear they may have gone just a tad too far...
That's right guys. This is a stuffified version of H.I.V. And I fear, the joke, yeah, not so funny. I mean, who laughs in the face of the Human Immunodeficiency Virus? Laugh at the common cold. Roll on the floor over a fuzzy flu stuffed animal? Hell, clutch your stomach in the throws of hilarity, and by all means, in this case even The Clap can be funny... But who laughs at AIDS, honestly?!The store where Steven and I found these pets didn't carry the STDS, and certainly didn't have the H.I.V. stuffed decor. It did however carry a key chain that made an astonishingly realistic impersonation of the female orgasm (on a very, very good day) that was surprisingly loud and went on far longer than expected (again drawing eyes and making Steven and I bolt for opposite ends of the store). (This store is called Gifted by the way, and it's the new-trendy-Ballard version of a good ol' B-town classic, Archi McPhee's).
In any case, I'm not sure about our fuzzy ribbon-clad friend (or foe?), but there is one bright side to the pc-less-ness of Giantmicrobes, if you've got a faux-friend, coworker, professor, boss, who you secretly hate but cannot tell-off within the norms of civilized social behavior, you can always give 'em the Black Death and get away looking like the nice guy! :D
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